Improvement pill here today I’m gonna
show you a simple little exercise you can challenge yourself to do the next
time you’re in public this is something that I believe will help increase your
levels of confidence and self-esteem over time because this is something that
I did a lot when I first started my self-improvement journey and it
definitely helped so let’s jump right into it now whenever you’re sitting in
public whether it’s at a restaurant at the school library on a park bench or
even on public transportation you are taking up a certain amount of space I
want you to think about how you usually settle yourself down in places like this
for a second so you lay out your belongings spread out your bags and
clothes open up your body and take up a lot of space or do you tend to keep all
of your belongings closed and body closed do you try your best to squeeze
everything into as little of a space as possible chances are if you’re suffering
from low levels of self esteem and confidence that you are someone who
doesn’t take up much space and this can be for a variety of reasons but the two
most common mentalities that I come across when working with many of you one
on one is that you believe that you aren’t worthy that you don’t have the
right to take up much space or you feel like it would be disturbing or
disrespectful towards other people today we’re gonna dissect and analyze these
two ways of thinking one by one and then I’m gonna show you a simple little
exercise that you can do with to help combat these two unhealthy mentalities
so number one if you believe that you aren’t worthy enough of taking up more
space listen listen you have the same rights as everyone else when it comes to
public spaces let’s say for example you go to a restaurant by yourself to eat
and they give you a two seat table this entire table is your space while you’re
eating at this restaurant they’ve literally granted you this property
momentarily in return for your hard-earned money so you absolutely have
the right to take up as much of this space as possible right nobody
is gonna sit at your table nobody else is gonna place their unfinished dish on
your table because it’s your space you have the right to be there at least
until you finish eating you need to learn how to accept this fact it’s
become comfortable claiming your rightful space when you are in public so
what I want you to do is that next time you’re in a public space like a
restaurant or a somewhat empty library I want you to spread out your belongings
put your bag and your jacket on that empty seat next to you move your chair
back lean back and open up your body place your books and devices around you
spread them out a little bit more than you are used to this will train you to
become more comfortable taking up your rightful space now when you do this you
will most likely be met with some resistance your subconscious will say
things like what are you doing this isn’t your house what gave you the right
to do this what do you think you are and it’s here where you must fight back
because again this is public space you absolutely do have the right to take up
a reasonable amount of space and I’m not telling you to spread your legs
Eagle wide on a crowded bus when there’s an old lady holding a baby standing next
to you I’m telling you to take up more space when there’s not too many people
around you when it’s not an inconvenience to others and the reason
this little exercise is so critical when it comes to your levels of confidence
and your self-esteem is because this will affect your identity and the way
you view yourself it’s been said that there are three ways to change one’s
identity and one’s beliefs hypnosis trauma and good old repetition this
exercise uses repetition to change the way you view yourself your identity will
naturally aligned itself with your actions if you constantly take up very
little space and you think to yourself this is all I’m worth I don’t have the
right to take up more space then that will become your identity you will
genuinely believe that you are worth less than other human beings in
order to combat this you must do the opposite you must force yourself to take
up more space and then you must remind yourself that you have the right to do
so that you have the same rights as everyone else and over time via
repetition you will slowly start believing it and your confidence and
self-esteem will rise and that brings us to the second mentality that you might
have if you take up very little space and that’s the idea that you are afraid
of disturbing or coming across as disrespectful to others now this is
actually an indicator that you might score very high in a personality trait
called agreeableness now for those of you that aren’t familiar with this trait
it is actually one of the most studied personality traits out there and it’s a
combination of two things number one the extent to which you value getting along
with others and number two the degree to which you are willing to be critical of
others the more agreeable you are the more likely you are to do favors for
people even if it’s not good for you the more likely you are to keep your
opinions to yourself instead of sharing them the more likely you are to be
scared of confrontation or even simply disagreeing with someone else and this
is actually a trait that can be extremely detrimental if you score very
high free and if you are a man studies have found that men who score high on
agreeableness make on average $10,000 less than men who score low on
agreeableness another study found that men who are rated high on agreeableness
are seen as the worst candidates for leadership roles yes
they finish dead last so instead of thinking nice guys finish last you
should be thinking super agreeable guys finish last
and there’s a simple reason for that people who are too agreeable don’t stand
up for themselves they let others push them around and they never say no
because they’re too scared of offending others if you score very high on this
trait you will go through life doing things that make others happy but almost
never doing things for yourself and this will actually reinforce the eye
then you aren’t worthy enough you’ll think that other people are worth more
than you and that you should sacrifice your own happiness for theirs now
luckily for you how agreeable you are is not a permanent set in stone trait it
can be changed over time again via repetition and I would recommend you to
use the same exercise we mentioned before every time you’re out in public
push yourself to physically take up more space when you do this you might
subconsciously have some thoughts like oh my god I look like an asshole
or being so rude right now and if you do take a look around you are you in an
extremely crowded area where someone else needs that space if you are then
yes you should give up that space but if you are in a generally empty location
then you are good to go spread yourself out so what if someone thinks you look
like an asshole there isn’t anyone out there at that moment that needs that
space so you have every right to use it it’s public space you are in the clear
the more times you do this the less agreeable you will become and you will
find it easier to stand up for yourself over time it will become easier for you
to speak your opinions have you ever had a thought in a conversation but you were
too scared to say it but then you go home and you say to yourself wow I wish
I spoke my mind well this exercise will help with that
try it out the next time you’re in public and let me know what happens
because again this exercise genuinely help me grow more confident so I hope it
can do the same for you this episode is brought to you of the help the guys at
audible I know I’ve been stressed in the fact that it’s important to take a more
space in real life but it’s important to take up more space mentally by reading
about different topics as well and audible is perfect for this I’ve been
promoting audible for years and there’s a really good reason why it’s because
audible makes it significantly easier for me to listen to audiobooks it gets
rid of the hassle of having to physically pull out a book in play
is where you normally wouldn’t be able to read such as when you’re working out
at the gym doing your grocery shopping or even when you’re commuting to work go
to adopted throughout his life which
eventually led him to find massive amounts of success I highly recommend
you to check it out besides that guys stay tuned you